There are some feelings we feel which have not been felt before. Novel feelings like perceiving size by seeing a whale for the first time, getting goosebumps by watching an impactful movie, sensing the maternal instinct by raising your own pet, understanding the meaning of life by giving birth and ofcourse……..falling in Love.
This is not an article about Love. Its far from Love, no, not Love at all. It’s not about having a crush or an infatuation either. These terms are too menial for what I’m trying to explain here. It is not a feeling which the crazy undergo, it is in fact the precise notion that makes the sensible go crazy. When God decided to make humans, he gave each one a mother, a father and a soul mate, making sure the human was not devoid of people who would care for it. Just before sending them down to the earth, he thought something is missing. An element of enigma. And then he created a hopeless hope- A sorcerer who involuntarily attracts this human and takes control. Thus, every human was sent with their Vampire.
You may find your vampire lurking in that girl skipping past you on the first day of college, in that guy standing alone with his beer mug in the corner of the bar, in an old half written love story or in a complete stranger. The lucky ones are never able to find the pair, but the ones devoid of luck somehow bump into theirs. If there was a good love and a bad love, then this is about the latter. The bad, crazy kind that will make you feel overwhelmed, anxious, conscious, nervous, relaxed and will leave you longing, wanting and questioning.
From the minute one sees his/her vampire, they are drawn. They are put under a spell which takes control of their action. Being around your vampire, you lose sense of time and transcend into and beyond an ecstatic pleasure. One meeting with them is like a treasure. This is the precise reason you are unable to stay away from this person. You fall deeper and deeper into an abysmal pit each time you meet them, and descend into a magical world. It is a magic you never knew existed. You are overcome by surprise and enthrallment at the fact that there exists such a feeling, the same kind which you never felt before. Its a world of wonder, magic, speculation and ethereal pleasure.
Precisely, it is like being under the influence of a very dangerous drug. You know its bad for you, but you just want it, just one more time, one last time, with no end to the desire. If God himself were to appear in front of you and grant you permission to have your vampire forever, you would deny without blinking. This is because you feel powerless with your vampire, and being sensible, you know you cant spend the rest of your life being overpowered by someone. You will never find a reason to dislike your vampire in spite of all his bad qualities, the only reason to dislike him will be the fact that you like him to an unsurmountable extent and you don’t want to let someone take control of you in that dangerous way. This vampire will make you act in ways you shouldn’t. Even if you know you are being wronged by them, you will want to meet them. The sooner you get rid of their company and come to the realization that its an inescapable trap, the better it will be for you. Once you hit the realization, you move on to the next phase. Letting Go.
This phase is just as difficult as was the company of the vampire, or its thoughts. You realize its time to let go, yet every inch of you wishes you would bump into them somehow. You speculate where they could be, you wonder whether they are thinking about you and you enhance your stalking capabilities with the help of social media. You are convinced no one in the world has ever felt this way before. You are confused at how a person as normal as yourself became like this!
However, all the time they spent with you, little did you know that they had furtively carved out a permanent space in your mind. And I say mind, not heart because you will never cease to stop thinking about this person. They will always be sitting in that permanent pit, waiting for the next person to arrive so that your mind can draw comparisons. The vampire is now complacent. He knows the niche he has carved out is permanent. EVERY person will be compared and NO PERSON will ever match. Someday, you may meet the soul mate, the GOOD kind of love, the kind that will alleviate the beautiful trepidation that the vampire gave you. The SOUL MATE is the only person who is capable of this selfless good deed. You will know for a fact that the soul mate who possesses all the imaginable qualities is a million times better than the VAMPIRE, but you also know that the passion and excitement you felt with the vampire can’t be felt again. You know you have the PERFECT yet you will still long for the IMPERFECT.
So I say it again, If you are lucky, may you never meet your vampire.